love letters

dear keaton,

my sweet 7 week old, blue eyed, beautiful baby boy. i am writing this at 3:45am while you are eating your early morning meal. i have been overwhelmed with your adorableness lately, and right now- your sweet eyes closed and your complete contentness with just being next to me and eating … it almost brings me to tears. you are so different than you were 7 weeks ago, so different than even just 1 week ago. you are getting so big, learning so much about the world, and becoming more and more handsome every day. i am cherishing every moment of this little keaty phase. i am excited for what is to come, but i know i can always look forward- but can never have this time back with you. i promise you that i will live in the moment with you, to meet your needs, to love you unconditionally, to say “God bless you” when you sneeze … to simply enjoy being near you. and to miss you when i am not.

i often wonder if you will ever know what a profound impact you have had on your daddy and i. i am someone’s child, and i am only beginning to wrap my head around the fact that my parents felt the same way about me. you have changed my heart in such a beautiful way- i never knew there was this amount of love inside of me. inside of us. we love and respect each other in a whole new way now- especially after going through your birth together. seeing your daddy cuddle you is one of the highlights of my life. you love it when he sings to you and when he flies you around our little apartment like you are an airplane. you can’t stand it when he kisses you though … we think it has something to do with his perpetual stubble. but he does it anyway, he can’t help himself.

we are learning each other, baby boy. you love listening to me talk to you, and will look into my eyes for as long as possible. it melts my heart. i am beginning to understand what your cries mean … your tired cry- i mean your really really tired cry- is the sweetest cry … you don’t have the energy to cry as loud as you want, and your head keeps drooping because you don’t have the energy to hold it up any longer. your hungry cry is pretty voracious, and the tell tale sign are these little piglet oinking noises you make. when you are done eating your face is pink, too … our cute little piglet. i feel terrible when you cry and i don’t know what you need … but most often the cure is either food, sleep, or just some extreme cuddling time. your daddy and i have a sense of calm around you, even when you are crying and we aren’t sure what to do … we always are able to keep ourselves composed and calm for you- and i really think you can feel that energy.

your smile, which you are showing a couple times a day now, melts our hearts. i live for those moments when i get a smile from you. usually in the morning i get the most … and i can tell you just love seeing my face and hearing my voice when you get up in the morning. it really does bring my heart to its knees. YOU bring my heart to its knees, little man. and i know you always will.

you are so beautiful, my little baby boy. i can’t believe that you are ours. i can’t believe i get to watch you grow and learn. we are the most blessed parents in the world to be your mommy and daddy. we love you and are simply enjoying you being you. right now. in the moment. falling in and out of consciousness while finishing up your meal. with your cute little piglet face and sweet cooing noises. you’re getting so big, my little man. you are changing every day.

i will always cherish these midnight moments we share, keaton. i could go without sleep but i could not go without these moments.
love always,
your mommy.

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