the greatest year

so today (well, tonight officially) one year ago i went into labor. my little man will be turning one in the early hours of tomorrow morning.

where does the time go? but at the same time, i’ve only known him a year? how is that possible?

a year ago at this exact time i was taking a walk, listening to my hypnobirthing affirmations, and wondering if i was EVER going to meet keaton. we hadn’t even firmly decided on his name yet, still calling him our little baboosh.  i can’t believe how far this year has brought me. us.

not only was my labor and birthing experience THE most influential act i have ever accomplished, but the raising and loving of this sweet little boy has changed our hearts forever. for the better. for the absolute best.  God is so funny. so providential. so knowing. He knew we needed keaton before we ever even thought about the idea of a baby. He knew keaton needed us. it makes me weak in the knees to even think about how much God loves us to give this sweet little man to us.

one year ago tonight my water released and i was on an instant mission, one that i had prepared so thoroughly for, but one that i could never have fully imagined or understood until i was in the throws of it.  a mission that involved sweet calming music, lit candles, baths, back and leg massages, and affirmations and sweet little nothings whispered in my ear from my husband.  it hit a more intense patch as our plans shifted and we made our way to the hospital, but boy i can tell you one thing: nothing was getting in the way of me having the birth i wanted. (next time i’ll make 100% sure of that by birthing at home though, as long as we are all healthy and happy).

i ask keaton every so often if he remembers the day we met face to face. of course he doesn’t respond with words but he often smiles, or cuddles his head on my chest when we have these conversations. i can’t help but believe that he knows. he knows how hard i worked to give him a calm and gentle entrance into the world. he knows how much i adored having him grow in my belly. and he knows how much better our lives are with him in it now. again, it makes me weak.

having a child isn’t all wonderful, easy, beautiful, calm stuff. it can be hard. and patience testing. and sleep depriving. and chaotic as all get out. but even in the chaos, there is beauty. even in trying so hard to keep your cool in the face of a baby who is screaming and you can’t figure out why … there is beauty. i don’t always remember it in the moment, but i can see it. feel it. this child, so completely dependent on us. so beautifully tied to us for his safety, comfort, and love. oh how we LOVE being that for him. oh how we LOVE what he has done for us. teaching us patience. kindness. perseverance. selflessness. reminding us what is important in life.

mmmk. i can’t handle it! tears running down my face thinking of this day a year ago, little did i know that in a matter of hours i would see the most beautiful face i have ever seen. and how my life would change in those eyes. how my career path would change. how my heart would change. how our marriage would change. all for the better. some of it harder or just plain different, but always better.

my keaton james will be 1 year old tomorrow. we will celebrate on saturday with a little get together, but i can’t wait for an all day cuddle session tomorrow with my big boy.

{i’ll be sure to post more in the upcoming days. i have a revitalized sense of blogging. and i may even turn this into a personal+business blog with fun birth stories from my clients, etc. it’s all in the mix.}

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