38+ weeks

hey friends,

so i haven’t been updating much, and definitely haven’t been using this blog as much of a personal blog, in quite a while. but i wanted to fill y’all in on the goings on in the pappas household.

i’m currently 38 weeks and a few days. given that keaton was a 41w+5d babe, i keep telling myself to just assume 42 weeks. it was easy with keaton to just keep going and not think much about it, but this time around it feels different. literally. LOTS of practice/warming up happening, and lots of those lovely “zingers” as i call them. i know my body and baby are preparing…and for that, i am grateful.

we got some maternity shots done recently, too! this amazing and talented photographer (petula pea photography) was actually a doula client of mine. she is just the absolute sweetest woman you will ever meet, and is beyond talented. as you can tell by these sneak peaks:


are you swooning yet? dead from gorgeousness? not our own of course, but just the FEEL and the LOOK of these photos? we wandered into a totally random field with dead grass and weeds and such and ta-da! talk about her having a vision…! again, her link is Petula Pea Photography, and if you are in San Diego- she does amazing work. Check out her portfolio! her weddings are so insanely gorgeous, too!!

we are currently feeling really grateful we are waiting to find out if this sweet pea is a boy or a girl. i love the build up of not knowing, and i love that the moment of meeting this little goose will be that much more of an “oh my GOODNESS!” moment. if that’s even possible?!

i keep thinking about how keaton is going to be a big brother, and that we will be parents to two little peas. i really don’t have those feelings of “ohhh, i feel sad that it won’t just be keaton any more” or anything like that…i feel like we have given him our absolute all during this period of his life that it has been just him, but that we have also really striven already thus far to show him that life isn’t all about him no matter what. so add in a sibling, move him to a remote nation for missions work, or put him on a playground with other kids…we want him to show us, as he says, “my kind, sweet, gentle heart.” goodness do we pray he always keeps that kind, sweet, gentle heart (of course there are days where it seems like it has left his little body forever! only to return a bit later in the form of cuddles and kisses and genuine care).  our prayer is that this new little life only serves to strengthen keaton’s heart in his awareness of our love for him, his abilities to be kind and gentle and encouraging and selfless, and to point him towards God’s everlasting love. what more could we want?!

i have a little email address that i set up for keaton when he was maybe 4-5 months old and have been periodically writing emails and sending photos or videos. i am writing him an email in a bit about how these are the last days of “just us” … and i am cherishing the waiting game (still very very early in the waiting game!) as of now, as it keeps me in this beautiful precipice of known and unknown.

i already know that the unknown is the most beautiful thing we have ever experienced, so this … this is exactly where we are supposed to be.



where did my baby go?!

i’m pretty sure we’ve hit that moment. well, pretty sure we went soaring past it, actually.

{pic from Amy at Tiny Green Elephants!}

this little baby of mine is no longer a baby. he is teetering on turning 2 in the fall (what?!), and his vocabulary is that of a 4 year olds. he tells every animal he sees that he loves it, and smiles and waves at every person who passes by saying, “hi new friend!” he only has one chin now, well…most of the time (thought that would never happen), and a full head of toehead blonde hair (again, never thought that would happen). he has got a strong personality and a strong body- sometimes a tough mix, but a mix i wouldn’t trade for the world. he spins around, says “pow” for some cool special effects when playing, kicks balls, plays t-ball, and absolutely positively loves to run. he walks along in the waves on the shore by himself, and he asks me questions constantly about the world around him. he’s a real live person! of course he always has been, but it’s becoming glaringly obvious that he is not wasting any time growing up.

{yup, another sweet pic from Amy at Tiny Green Elephants}

where did my baby go?

my heart. my little heart. totally melted.

when did you do know that your baby was no longer a baby? does that mean it’s time for…{gulp}…ANOTHER ONE?!

what you’re doing

my sweet little keaty,

you are so big. so strong. so much like a little boy more and more each day, less and less like the little ball of chunk we brought home 6 months ago. people always told me that it would go by so fast, but i never thought it really would.

people also said to “enjoy every minute of it” … and while there have been plenty of minutes when i thought “is this one of those moments i should be enjoying? because this seems like the opposite of enjoyable” … from the pain of beginning breastfeeding to the middle of the night wake up teething calls, motherhood can be rough. enjoying ever minute of every day is a tall task!

BUT those moments have been far outweighed by the sweet moments we have spent together. you an amazing baby. not just because you’re mine, either! you are so mellow and adaptable. my little laid back baboosh. your smile is addicting, your often elusive laugh even moreso. being someone else’s child, i know that you may not realize the extent to which your daddy and i love you until you have a child of your own, but i hope you can feel it. i hope you can feel every ounce of love that comes from my heart whenever i see you smile at me, or when you reach a new milestone, or when i see you having fun playing with other babies or with your little monka monk stuffed animal. you wanting to feed yourself in our recent adventures into “solid” foods. you being on the verge of crawling around our little apartment. swoon swoon swoon.

it all just turns me into a little emotional ball of love. everybody comments about what a good baby you are, and how handsome and sweet you are. God knew that we needed you. not just that we needed a baby, but that we needed YOU. every bit of who you are so far. you make your daddy and i so happy. your daddy and i love each other even more than we did before, something we didn’t think possible, now that you have arrived. when i see you playing with daddy and having so much fun with him, i’m pretty sure my heart is about to explode.

and while, yes, not every moment is a walk in the park and sweet thoughts don’t always inhabit my mind when you are cranky (teething keaty has been a trooper, but an often cranky trooper), even those moments i am thankful for you. i don’t doubt God’s plan in giving us you, and i don’t doubt God’s grace in giving us you.

with a love that i could never have imagined,
your proud mama