rhiona and ricky’s birth story

i read this awesome story in my inbox recently and went to respond to the mama by saying “holy cow! that sounds aaahhhhmazing!” it’s extra awesome when first time parents have amazing births- i think it sets families up for health in many, many ways.

rhiona and ricky took my essentials for childbirth class and are a super fun couple. we have mutual friends, which is how they came to find my class, and i am so thankful they did! we wanted to work out a doula situation as well, but our little fam was heading on a trip to sri lanka (i know…right?!) right around her guess date- so i got them set up with a sweet sweet awesome doula friend of mine, alisa okamoto. her care provider is super loved in our community and we are really thankful to have a care provider like Dr Damon Cobb here! ENJOY this beautiful story, told by rhiona to her sweet little dash.

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Cliff Notes Version: perfect birth and so grateful 🙂

                                                            Dear Dash,

It was Wednesday July 9th at 10pm when I decided we needed to go for a walk on Moonlight  beach to try and get you moving out. My due date was Monday July 7th, but I kind of wanted to keep you in my belly forever so I hadn’t done much (or anything really) to help you come out. It was an emotional walk because I felt you were coming soon and I knew I needed to be ok with that. Walking on the beach has a way of releasing emotions for me. I wasn’t scared to birth you necessarily, I just felt like pregnancy had zoomed by. I wanted more time with you so close to me. There were only a few other people on the beach; it was very dark and the cool crisp air felt so nice. The waves crashing calmed my mind. We walked a while and then I made your daddy take a picture of my belly before we got in the car to go home. I’m so glad we have that photo to remember our night because it turns out you were ready to meet us way faster than I thought. It’s the last photo of you in my belly and I will cherish it forever. We went home and around midnight I went to the bathroom and had blood. I was so excited, nervous, shocked! I was skeptical I was in labor, but it kept coming and it was pretty evident I had lost my mucus plug. I texted my doula, Alisa, and she of course told me to sleep if I could. Ha! That wasn’t happening even if I wanted it to! I had an overwhelming feeling of anxiety pass through after I realized this really was active labor. I kind of wanted it to stop. I think I told your dad “I’m not ready. I don’t know if my body can handle labor.” I was afraid. Majorly. He went to sleep and tried to make me do the same. I laid in bed wide awake and a little terrified. At this point the surges weren’t really surges. My back would just kind of tense up and have a little ache every 20 minutes or so. All through the night it continued getting closer and closer. At some point in the dark of the night I started to feel more calm and in control, or was it that I was not in control?! I let my body take control and do it’s own thing. I guess I just took control of my thoughts. I was surprised I never even shut my eyes but morning had now come. Morning changed things. I knew I needed to shower, so I did that. Things slowed down a bit after moving around and showering. I thought I could get a nap in, so I choked down a bowl of oats and laid back into bed. I tried so hard to rest, but things just kept progressing! It felt very rapid. I quickly found that being on my hands and knees was my position, as it just made me feel the best. I was starting to get nauseous and I remember not liking it. I felt like I could handle the surges with ease, but the nausea was so annoying- totally cramped my style. By 11am your dad decided to call the doula to come over because he thought things were getting serious. I thought he was being silly but didn’t have the words to express this, so really, he was right. Ha. My surges weren’t that regular or consistent. They were kind of all over the place the entire labor. Sometimes they were many minutes apart and sometimes seconds apart. They were also quite long. I had a few 4 minute long ones and lots of 3 minute ones, which was super weird. When Alisa arrived, things slowed down a little. Alisa had me try smelling peppermint oil, while laying on my side leaning my leg off the bed to start things going. I wanted to kill her. 🙂 Whew, those surges felt strong. Crazy how positioning can change things so fast! I continued laboring until around 3 or so. We weren’t that sure how far along I was because of the inconsistency, so Alisa suggested going to Dr.Cobb’s office to get checked. I then started getting back to back surges. We decided to just drive straight to the hospital, and quick. In the back of my head I was slightly bummed that we were going to the hospital “so soon”. Looking back, this is hilarious to me. If we didn’t have a doula I probably would have accidentally birthed you at home. Oh, the car ride. I had dreaded this. We live in Encinitas and the hospital was in Poway. That’s a bit far when you are deep into labor! Things got very intense for me while in the car. I closed my eyes the entire time. I pulled down hard on the handle above the window with each surge. It was a great release. I also pounded my hands on the roof of the car with some surges. The car ride is also where I first started what your dad calls my “yeti call”. Lots of strange sounds were coming out and I just had to let them. Looking back I now know I was transitioning. In the car. Joy! The car ride apparently took 30 minutes, but labor does weird things to your concept of time! Your dad kept saying “we are almost there” and then “I can see the hospital!”. My eyes were still shut, but this was slightly annoying to me because I knew we were still far…that is, until I actually felt the familiar speed bumps in the parking lot. I opened my eyes and saw we were there and couldn’t believe it. It felt like he did a magic trick. The car ride felt like 5-10 minutes at most to me. Alisa came and got our car to go park it while daddy and I walked into the hospital. It was a slow walk with a few breaks to ride out the surges. We got into the elevator and rode up to the fifth floor, the birthing floor. As soon as we got out of the elevator and onto the floor I took a step or two and threw up all over. “Hey guys, I have arrived, and look! I am ready! Sorry about the mess.” We walked to the nurses station and they just walked me right into a room…and gave me a barf bag. We met our nurse, Diane. She said she needed to check me. I was nervous because I had never been checked for dilation and was told it would hurt a bit. It didn’t hurt and I was EIGHT centimeters. I smiled so, so big. I knew I would have to get the standard IV or at least a saline lock next, but didn’t really want one. Nurse Diane came in and said I didn’t need either and I proceeded to give her a high five (I really just wanted to kiss her) while telling her how much I liked her. It was just a little thing, but for some reason being completely free of that was important to me. So far things were off to a great start! Nurse Diane was supportive and amazing and gave me so much peace because of that. I felt in control of my birth. She monitored you with a fetal monitor for a bit. It wasn’t really working well, but we could see you were well, so she let me get in the tub. She trusted my body and I loved her for it. From this point until you came out, my eyes pretty much remained shut. It helped me to stay connected to my body, your teeny body, and the great work we were doing together. We were in our own little world. The tub felt really nice. I was in there for a long while and I wish I could have just birthed you in there. I was starting to feel an urge to push. I said “push, push, pushy, pushing” a lot and that’s when I realized I had lost my mind. 🙂 The nurse called Dr.Cobb who was finishing up appointments at his office. He wanted me to get checked again to see how close I was. This meant I had to get out of the tub, which was no small feat. I tried and failed, a lot. Like a real lot. Somewhere in there, my water broke. I have no idea how long I tried to get out of that tub but it must have taken at least an hour. I may have used a bad word or two, but my lovely Alisa just said “I knoooow Rhiona.” I told Alisa that I just needed some help and she started saying encouraging things about how I didn’t need the help, I was strong, etc. That’s when I said “No, just help me out of this tub.” Haha. I finally get out of the tub and make it a step or two but end up on the floor on my hands and knees. I needed something to lean on and your daddy got right down on the nasty hospital floor with me to support my head. I have never loved or needed your daddy more in my life. I gently rubbed my face into his neck and it felt so wonderful. I hadn’t pictured needing him like this, but I so did, and here he was. After a bit, Dr. Cobb arrived and I only knew it because I happened to open my eyes and see two man-sized bright red Nike shoes. That Dr.Cobb is so fancy. I eventually make it to the bed to be checked, what a journey it was to get there! Dr.Cobb asked if I wanted to know where I was at and I said yes. I only had a little tiny lip left to open. I tried laboring on my hands and knees and I started to notice a very primal energy coming over my body. The yeti call was back! The grunts that came out of my mouth…I cannot explain. The nurse kept asking if I was pushing and I accidentally ignored her…every time. I wasn’t so much pushing, it was more of a bearing down and it felt very good and very right. Dr.Cobb came back and watched me for a bit before suggesting a new position. He tied a sheet to a squat bar and had me pull myself in as I pushed. Pushing and pulling felt like a great release, kind of similar to what I did in the car ride. After a while he suggested the stirrups. I was kind of against stirrups, but trusted him. I started more controlled pushing in sets of threes. I was amazed how strong the desire to push was. It was like a huge wave coming over my body. It continued to feel intense, but good. Slowly it started to feel more intense and then  for the first time in the entire labor process, I will say there was pain. But this was good pain, because then your head was suddenly out! The pain passed so quickly. Next, I felt lots of pressure and everything was just a blur because things got so intense and heavy. And then? You were on my chest!!! A big wet baby. You felt like a slippery fish 🙂 You were cute! Way cuter than I could have imagined! It felt unreal. I smiled so big and didn’t stop, no tears, just smiles. We did it! It felt like I had won the best prize ever (probably because I did!). I looked to my right and there was daddy, weeping in a new way I had never seen. You were here. You were ours. So pink, healthy, and BIG! On July 10th, at 8:22pm my 9lb 3oz baby boy, you became ours. Forever and ever. And ever.

Love,

Mom

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i get goosebumps every time i read this story! what a sweet entrance into the world for little dash, and what an amazing set of parents he has! thank you SO much rhiona and ricky for sharing this beautiful and encouraging story with us. love you three!

if you or anyone you know is in San Diego and is interested in childbirth preparation classes, or online childbirth classes, please feel free to check out my website for more info, along with doula support and placenta encapsulation information, and a small online shop for all kinds of birth/postpartum related goodies!

www.beautifulonebirthservices.com

alexa and chris’ birth story

alexa and chris recently just took my online childbirth prep class. it was a joy to email back and forth with alexa throughout her pregnancy, and an even bigger excitement to have chris text me at the beginning of labor! i was able to keep in touch with them for a bit of their labor, and was anxious to hear the outcome the following day. i heard from chris 2 days later that their (surprise!) baby girl was born via cesarean after 2 days of “an interesting, to say the least” labor. i am thankful alexa took the time to write her birth story, AND that she wanted to share it with everyone. i hope this serves an encouragement to everyone that no matter what your birth looks like, you can look back knowing you did everything you could with what you had.

Kelly,

I’m going to spare you the long drawn out story and just stick to the highlight reel. Or lowlight reel. Well, actually, they really were all highlights- just not what I expected or envisioned. At all. I’m so thankful we took your class though, not only did it help me through my labor, but it also helped us through making all kinds of decisions we never intended on making. I can look back on my labor, and even though I ended up birthing my baby on an OR table via c-section, I can truly say it was beautiful. Hardest thing ever, but I am so proud of the work Chris and I did together in birthing this little girl. Side note? Thank GOD for your DropBox folder- we were able to pull up the family-centered-cesarean birth plan in one of the folders and added a few “demands” at the end of our labor- which the nursing staff was actually really excited about.

When we texted you originally, my water had released about 15 hours prior and nothing. I mean NOTHING was happening. There had been a decent gush of water and no surges at all, despite our best efforts to get things going. We had been in touch with my OB who finally said they needed to just have us come in to check on baby. On the way to the hospital I started surging. Maybe my body knew that it better get cracking. Either way, I had quite a few in the car and continued to on the walk to labor and delivery. They weren’t super intense, but I knew they were something. I was checked and was 3cm and 75% effaced. WOW! Progress even without feeling like there was any progress? That’s probably the best feeling in the world.

We were admitted due to the fact that my water had released and I was surging, which I was thankful for since it was an hour drive back home and there really wasn’t much else near the hospital. After about 6 hours of surging, walking up and down stairs, lunging, psuedo-belly dancing, etc- I asked to be checked. My surges weren’t all that intense still, but they were closer together. 3cm. Totally soft. Not the news I wanted to hear, but I knew those first few centimeters take the longest, so I decided to just choose to think about the progress in my cervix softening. We were at about hour 24 of my water having broken, and my doctor came back in to “have a heart to heart.” She knew I didn’t want any interventions, but she also knew that she wanted the baby out sooner rather than later with my water having been broken for so long (I recognize that many in the birth world would say it was totally fine, but I trust my OB and I am totally at peace with that). She threw out pitocin as an option. I threw out climbing more stairs. She said sure, even though I was already exhausted, but she’d give me an hour and a half, and then would come back to discuss starting pitocin again. I climbed the length of Kilimanjaro most likely in that hour and a half. SURGES! DO SOMETHING! PLEASE! As we neared the end of my time frame, I broke down. My body wasn’t doing what I was asking it to do. It wasn’t performing how I wanted it to. Please?

I took ten minutes and listened to some relaxation, talked with my baby, and told him/her that it was time to pick things up. I wanted my baby to have a heads up that things might get a bit hectic for him/her once pitocin started. I knew I would like the heads up if I was a baby.

My OB started me on a low dose of pitocin, and increased it just a tiny bit about every 45 mins-1 hour. The surges got way more intense, but no more close together than they were before. They immediately peaked when they started, rather than gradually working their way up. Holy moly. Talk about needing to remember to relax and breathe. I moaned. Chris rubbed my back and my legs, and I moaned some more. This went on for hours. I started to feel the need to push. YES! I thought, it’s baby time. Finally!

My nurse checked me- 4cm. I was gutted.

Knowing I needed to sleep and that I couldn’t go on like this any more, I asked what my options were. Some IV meds or an epidural. I chose to get in the shower to see if that helped. 45 minutes later and tears and tears later, i decided that an epidural was probably best. going through what the benefits, risks, alternatives, etc were, I just knew this was where I needed to go with this labor. Most importantly my instincts kicked in. I felt confident in this decision.

Once the epidural was placed and started kicking in, my surges slowed down as well. I knew that meant more pitocin, and even though I wish it didn’t, I knew that was the game plan and I okay’d it. At this point we wanted baby out. Mercifully!

We started noticing some decelerations in baby’s heart rate. I know, I know, I could have called it before I went into labor. Whenever I heard of a mom getting pitocin I always thought, judgmentally- ‘How could you DO that? You KNOW what is going to happen!’ But guess what? I am a humble mom now, I get it. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. I saw my birth playing out and even though it wasn’t ideal, I still felt in the driver’s seat and knew I would remain calm and collected for the sake of my baby. I still wanted him/her to know that everything was alright. But, in my gut, I felt like something was off. When Chris heard me say that, he asked everyone to leave for a minute. We talked. I cried and told him that I understood what all of our options were but that I felt like something wasn’t right. With my body. With our baby. Something. It was an eerie feeling. It wasn’t just a “my labor is slow, something is wrong” it was a “something deep in my soul is telling me that this isn’t going to end well unless we do something else.”

My OB and nurses came back in. Chris told them what we had just talked about. My OB offered to check me again, just to see if any progress had been made. This check was obviously MUCH more comfortable than the previous ones. Phew. 10 cm. Fully Effaced. Baby high. Really, really high. His/Her heart rate had looked fine for the past hour or so, so my OB suggested I “labor down” (just continue on without jumping into pushing too quickly so I wasn’t too worn out, and that the baby was low when it was time to push). I told Chris I must have not been right about that instinct, my body obviously responded well to the rest I was getting on the epidural, and we would meet our baby soon.

I fell asleep, and 2 hours later woke up in a stupor. No baby yet. The nurse checked me soon after and again, high baby. I was able to move my legs a bit so we got into a super supported all 4s/squatting position, along with trying side lying, etc. My OB suggested I push for a bit, to see what happens. I pushed with everything I had, in every position I could possible get into, even with an epidural. No progress.

My OB suggested a c-section. I suggested more pushing. So push we did. What happened next terrified me.

My next group of pushes pushed out some seriously dark meconium. Along with it, an almost complete drop in heartbeat for our baby. As in, heartbeat in the 20s. My OB called it, we needed to get this baby out ASAP. When my OB first suggested a c-section, Chris pulled up a family friendly cesarean birth plan he had in the DropBox folder from class. He spoke with the OB and the nursing staff- as long as baby was okay: baby to mom after being born, weighing him/her, etc later. Nursing ASAP. Calm music being played. Gentle words. Sacred birth, even on an OR table.

My OB rushed me into the OR and told Chris they would do their best, but it depended on baby’s health. It all happened so fast. At first they told Chris that he wasn’t able to come into the room with me due to the hospital’s policies on emergent surgeries, but I said no and he said no…and even though they were basically RUNNING me down the hall, they said he could come in immediately postpartum. I was without him for the beginning of the surgery, but my nurse brought my phone and turned up the Pandora station I had been listening to. She held my hand and looked in my eyes and told me to focus on the baby, to take deep breaths, to be strong. I was. I talked with our baby, telling him/her that everything was going to be fine. That we would meet soon.

My OB described each step of the way for me, what she was doing and why. But holy cow, it was fast. Minutes later, baby was here. I heard a cry. Some meconium was on the baby’s body, but nowhere near her (HER!!!) face. She was crying and everything sounded clear. Sigh of relief. My OB unwrapped her cord from around her neck. Three times. THREE times. Poor thing, it was no wonder she didn’t want to/couldn’t move down. No wonder she got all stressed out. No wonder my body took forever. I breathed a sigh of relief. I’m sure my OB did, too. They lowered the curtain and handed her over to me. I couldn’t do much, but they put her right on my chest. I couldn’t quite get a good view of her face, but her crying started to fade as her breathing rhythmically started to match mine. We were bonding, while my bottom half was all cut open and they were putting me all back together. Wow. Is it possible to have a birth high from a cesarean? Because I am certain I had one.

Chris had big eyes as he caught a peek of what was happening down there, but I think it gives him a greater respect for what I went through. In a weird, kind of nasty way.

There wasn’t much else I could do with baby besides just lay there with her on me. They took Apgar scores and wiped her down a little bit for me while she was still with me, and they told me they wouldn’t weigh her or measure her until after the first hour of skin to skin. At least a couple things in my birth preferences got to stay that way! Chris left the recovery room to tell our parents that everything was okay, which I encouraged him to do after the first 30 minutes or so in there.

When I was wheeled back in I love that Chris had set up the room just as I had wanted postpartum, oils in the diffuser and music in the background. It was mellow. Had I just had surgery? I was feeling surprisingly good for what I just went through.

She started latching on soon after we got to back to our recovery room. She latched well from the get-go, and is still going strong. Again, thank goodness something went smoothly. I needed that.

Emily’s birth story is not what we pictured it would be, I didn’t even think it would look that way when it came time to push. But I see in hindsight what she was trying to tell us all along. I am thankful I had skilled care available, thankful Chris and I were both educated and could anticipate certain roadblocks ahead, that we knew what to advocate for. It also gave me confidence that my mommy-senses are indeed strong and intact, and that I should trust them. I so appreciate the class, the tools we took from it, the support we had with all of the extra resources, and just generally for the encouragement along the way. It really helped open our eyes to the birthing process and how beautiful it can be. And while ours didn’t look like we expected, I really am proud of how we handled it. We did the best we could and we both can look back on that day for the rest of our lives knowing it was exactly as it was meant to be, not because something was forced on us, but because that is the way she needed to enter the world for one reason or another.

Thank you Thank you Thank you! I can’t say it enough.

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congratulations alexa and chris! i so very much appreciate you sharing your birth story. it brings me such encouragement to hear you say that, even when things didn’t go as anticipated, you still look back knowing you made the right decisions at the right time. your mention of your mama-instincts are so right on- you know yourself and your baby better than anyone else ❤

and yes, your birth high was REAL and was well-deserved, mama!

if you or anyone you know is interested in online natural childbirth preparation classes, or group classes in San Diego, please feel free to check out my website for this info, along with doula support and placenta encapsulation information, and a small online shop for all kinds of birth/postpartum related goodies!

www.beautifulonebirthservices.com

shay and kevin’s birth story

oh hey guys. i’m still here. slowly (like really, really slowly) getting back in the blogging groove. i wanted to start it out with a bang, and this sweet birth story from shay and kevin will do just that!

shay and kevin took my online essentials for childbirth preparation class (another blog post soon to reveal more about what those classes are all about!) when i first made them public in february. they live in arizona and are friends of friends, who both had crazy schedules. online classes were a perfect solution for them, so we connected and made it happen for them! here is the story of the birth of their little girl, jules.

hey kelly,

she’s here! jules was born 2 weeks ago weighing 9lbs 1oz and 21 in long. i was 41 weeks and 2 days when I had her. i never would have imagined i had that big of a baby inside me, but i guess knowing that kevin was 10lbs 3oz when he was born should have been a warning, right? !!! i wanted to thank you so much for the virtual classes we took, kevin felt super prepared with message techniques and positioning ideas to help me get comfortable, and i just focused on breathing the entire time. you were right though, it WAS my job to just breathe. when i focused on that, my surges weren’t insane. when i wasn’t focusing for whatever reason, i could feel it. that was motivation enough to start going inward and just realizing my one job was to breathe for me and for jules.

the story:

i woke up around 3am with a dull lower back ache and needed to use the bathroom. i had been having surges on and off all day prior, and i really did feel like tonight would be the night. but then i fell asleep and assumed it would be another day. as i was walking to the toilet my water started leaking (i thought i was peeing myself like you mentioned, but a gush happened soon after!). i was so excited labor was starting, and i got kevin up. he told me to go back to sleep, or at least get rest. so i put on a movie and “rested”- even though i was so excited. my surges weren’t intense yet, but i did have to breathe through them. around 7am kevin got up and made us breakfast. while he was cooking the eggs i had one HUGE surge that basically brought me to my knees. i had been surging consistently ever 5 minutes or so since 5am, but i was laboring just fine alone before he woke up. when this surge hit at around 7:45am i had been using him to help give me some hip relief and lower back relief too with some of those pressure skills you taught us. this one surge was so intense and out of the blue, and i started shaking a bit. i immediately thought, not only is this go time, it is GO time.

kevin grabbed our stuff, including our breakfast that he put in tupperware quickly, and we headed to the birth center. we live about 30 minutes from there with no traffic, thankfully it was a weekend morning so we didn’t have to deal with that. i began feeling like i needed to sway more deeply and moan more manly-like while we were in the car, which was hard to do swaying wise, but i was in the backseat grinding my hips around trying to find comfort amidst the bumps on the road. kevin was probably driving about 100mph on the way there. i had planned music for the car but we ended up listening to some 80s at 8 radio thing, which, by the way, it was kind of awesome to labor to “i’ll tumble for ya” : at the very least it made me laugh in the middle of my now super intense surges.  when i breathed i felt powerful over the surges, when i got caught up in the intensity, it felt like they owned me. it was crazy. i just kept telling myself to focus on breathing, that i could do anything for a minute, that i was going to get in the tub soon. i gave myself a pep talk as kevin said a few encouraging things, but i honestly don’t remember what those were. thanks though, kev!

we showed up to the birth center and it took me about 6 surges to get from the car to the room. slowly but surely. they checked my cervix when we got there. 9cms. WHAT?! i hadn’t been laboring that long, it was intense but i was managing it well enough, and i hadn’t gotten to the part where i was thinking “i can’t do this anymore!” i was so encouraged by this news i started laughing. yup, laughing at 9cms. who would have ever imagined me, who cries when i hit my funny bone, would have laughed during labor?

well, it wasn’t all fun and games. as i progressed i did feel a bit like “i can’t do this anymore” as i was at 9cms for 3 hours. let me tell you though, getting in the water was a godsend. i jumped (well, i didn’t jump, obviously) into the tub soon after we arrived and it was exactly like you had said- took the edge off and helped me find peace in the waiting. after those 3 hours of sitting in the tub and being in different positions in there, i felt something new. uggghhhh. i was bearing down. i couldn’t stop it. uggghhhhh. it felt good but intense but hard but wonderful all wrapped into one.

midwives came back into the bathroom to check what was happening after kevin yelled “i think shay is going to have this baby in here with no one to catch it. and i think i’ll drop it!!!” they encouraged me to put my hands between my legs. part of her head. oh dear Lord, relief yet intensity yet more relief. almost there. still bearing down and i couldn’t help it. my body just did it.

3 more of those and out she came! the moments when they pulled her up from the water and onto my chest went in slow motion. i think i was the highest i’ve ever been in my whole life (well, i’ve never been high on drugs, but i can imagine the birth high is a million times more addicting than any other drug). her placenta was stubborn and stayed in a long time, i eventually had to get out of the tub and birth it, which wasn’t hard i guess i just needed a new position.

your classes and encouragement were a huge part of our birth story, and will forever be a part of our family’s story. when i read in your “about me” that you believed in the power that a birthing story has in the life of a family i didn’t quite get it. but now i do. and i agree, it is powerful. thank you for preparing us well and giving us the tools and encouragement we needed to trust the process and alleviate my anxieties. i can imagine her birth would have looked a LOT different if i didn’t prepare in this way. thank you forever and ever.

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congratulations shay and kevin! such a beautiful story and a total encouragement to my soul to hear that you now see the power that a birthing story has in the life of a family. just so inspiring! thank you for your kind words about your experience with the online classes as well, great to have “my baby” be well received!

and i couldn’t agree more. that birth high. something else.

if you or anyone you know is interested in online natural childbirth preparation classes, or group classes in San Diego, please feel free to check out my website for this info, along with doula support and placenta encapsulation information, and a small online shop for all kinds of birth/postpartum related goodies!

www.beautifulonebirthservices.com

the birth of selah

okay, so here we go. i often share my students’ stories here, and i thought it was only appropriate to share selah’s story as well. it is one that rocked my heart in the best way possible, a story that lights my husband’s heart on fire..for birth, for me, for his children. it is one that really served to heal some previous hurts, and give me encouragement for the road ahead.

remember when i went on and on about my love for my chiropractors? well, on thursday september 12 i went in for one last adjustment, as i felt baby’s back was on my right side and i really wanted him/her to flip over into a more straightforward LOA position (oh the things birthy people know…). i left my adjustment feeling great and met my family for lunch. i felt baby shift over to LOA soon after lunch while i was walking to my car…little victories!! keaton went over to my mother in laws, as he does on thursday afternoons, and i came home. i napped and cleaned like a crazy person when i woke up. around 5ish i started feeling a little different- a little nauseous (i had been dealing with some third trimester nausea previously so assumed it was just that), and just a little off. i even texted my doula to tell her that i was hoping things would start to happen, only to later text her around 8:30ish that it was wishful thinking.  trevor got home from work late due to a work dinner, and keaton was dropped back off at our house around 8:30. he went right to sleep and i kissed him before i left his room…i kind of felt emotional leaving, as if i knew it would be the last time i would kiss him as my only child.

trevor turned on duck dynasty and i headed to lay down in bed and watch a movie on the ipad. we both needed to just zone out- him after a LONG week at work, and me because, well, i knew something was coming i guess. before i got into bed i brushed my hair (never happens! ha!), washed my face and put on a little makeup. what?! i got into the outfit i wanted to wear while laboring. i told myself i was jinxing myself, but i could not NOT do it.

around 9:45 i felt a pretty intense surge that wrapped around from my lower belly into my lower back. it wasn’t painful or anything, just really tight- even moreso than the other warm ups I’d been having. told myself not think about it and started watching my movie. about 5 minutes later i got up (to clean a little bit more in our closet, i couldn’t help myself!), and i felt a warm trickle down my leg. hmmm. peeing myself. great! i walked to the bathroom and bam. gush. definitely not peeing myself! this was exactly how keaton’s labor began, i was comforted by that in many ways. i knew it was time now finally, one way or another, we were gonna meet this babe. after LOTS of warming up in previous weeks, it was game time at 40w+4d (there was a huge part of me that knew i wanted my water to release as my first sign of labor, as i did with keaton, because i waited so long for keaton that i was nervous all of this warming up was going to mess with my head too much). trevor was stoked, i was stoked. we turned on some good tunes and just started talking. about the baby, about keaton, about life. i paused every like 5-8 mins or so and breathed through my surges, but they were honestly easy at that point. really tight, but nothing i couldn’t just focus on and breathe through.

i let my doula, midwives, and photographer know that my water had broken but that there was no rush for anything at that point- labor was in the early stages and was easy at this point…it would be a long night…right?! trevor tried to sleep (it was going to be a long night…right?!) and i just got comfy on my ball and got lost in the music that was playing. about an hour and a half later, my surges became more intense. still breathable and manageable, but i noticed a shift in how i was experiencing them…how i needed trevor to push on my back to alleviate the pressure. how i needed to make some deep noises to work through them. i was doing it and handling it just fine, but it was new. i let my doula know, and apparently she knew more than i did- we told her it would be too early to come to us, but she listened to me and read between the lines…she was going to come by and say hi. she told us to call the midwives to tell them the same. the midwives said they were on their way too…i almost felt bad, since honestly i felt like i was so early in labor that they would be missing out on a night of sleep by coming to me. i labored on the birth ball, leaning over our bathroom sink, and leaning over our dining room table (which happens to be outside on our covered patio…it was a beautiful night and laboring outside felt great).

funny being on this end of a birthing mama instead of the doula end.

everyone showed up around midnight, and we decided to call our photographer a bit after that because i was finally at the point where i felt like i was in “active labor.” my doula has the sweetest voice and i just focused on her telling me to keep  breathing, to let the last one go. she was exactly what i needed. trevor was the muscle of the operation- pushing on my back and eventually into my hips for each surge while i swayed back and forth, gently moaning with each tightening. jenna was the sweet voice i needed at the moment i needed it. it was exactly what i wanted it to be.

i had some music going in the background and had some cards with scripture written on them out for me to read. amazing how many worship songs and how much of scripture talks about surrender. these were the good words that i needed to keep surrendering to God, to the process…to stay calm, to trust.

the midwives wanted to check me around 12:35ish, just to see what kind of progress i was making. i really REALLY didn’t want to lay down on my back, but made it to my side on our bed and felt a bit better. i remembered then how much i really don’t like those checks. no fun! but, good news. i was 8cm and totally soft. what?! labor only really just began?! it wasn’t THAT hard, certainly not transition kind of work quite yet. 8cm. let’s fill the birth tub up with water! yes, perfect idea. my tub was pretty deep (too deep!), and would take a while to fill up, but we started filling it then and i was encouraged to go sit on the toilet or labor in the shower till it would be ready. i thought in my head- i bet i have about an hour more of labor before meeting our baby. totally could handle that, then totally didn’t expect what came next! literally minutes after being checked and being 8cm, i needed to push. i hadn’t made it to the toilet (thank goodness!) and knew, with that instinct, there was no way i was going to make it in the tub. i grabbed onto my doula and bore down with my breath. one good moaning downwards and i felt that all familiar burning/opening. wait, baby?! already?! no no, that’s crazy talk. i remember thinking, perhaps even saying, “you guys don’t understand!” … i felt like they didn’t understand what i was feeling (they did), or that the baby was coming (they did).

my body took over and i went along for the ride. i instinctually climbed onto my bed on hands and knees. welp, there’s part of baby’s head! that natural expulsive reflex came and went, giving me breathers in between. baby popped back in once i got on my hands and knees and i made my way down to laying down on my side on our bed and that little rotation was exactly what baby needed. baby was popping right out, even with a hand up near his/her chin. i was so hot. so so hot. i was wearing a headband (that i thought would look SO cute. haha!), and i threw that off and my doula got me a cold washcloth. ohhh the sweetest of all sweet reliefs.  i kept trying to close my legs, even though i knew i wanted to be as open as possible…shout out to the midwives/their apprentice for dealing with my leg! haha! my breathing got off and i kind of “lost it” slightly at this point- but got it right back when i was reminded of the fact that i was safe, that baby was here, that i just needed to breath. i caught my breath again and had such a sweet moment of trust. i closed my eyes for one final encouragement for baby to come out, only to realize that baby was just about to. trevor kept telling me “open your eyes, you need to see this!!,” our eyes met and his face was beaming. my midwife encouraged me to bring my hands down to lift up my baby onto my chest. what a feeling- that little slippery, tiny, warm body making its way out of my body and into the world and into mommy’s hands. unparalleled honestly. i tried to bring baby up to my chest and was met with a very short cord.

i laid baby on my belly and just stared. in awe. we had a baby. already. i was just barely laboring?! and baby is here now?! what?! on our bed?! in our house?! while keaton sleeps?! it all started to settle in.

i looked at baby’s sweet face and my GOODNESS was it keaton’s twin (just fewer chins!!). baby didn’t even cry. not for quite a while. baby just breathed slowly, the thick umbilical cord still pulsing and helping, and baby just looked into my eyes and looked around. so mellow, so chill. taking it all in. our eyes caught each others’ for about 15 seconds straight, and as i talked to baby, her (we didn’t know she was a she yet!) eyes got wider and breathing got more rhythmic. this was the type of birth i dreamed of  and prayed for for my baby. gentle, loving, dimly lit, warm, hands off, and surrounded by safety. 12:47am, september 13. about 2 hours and 45 mins after labor began. only about an hour after feeling like i was actually truly really actively laboring.

i labored so quickly and unexpectedly that our photographer (Labor of Love Photography. Amazing captures, right?!) came literally as baby was being born. for a moment i felt bad about not calling her earlier, but then it was exactly what it was meant to be- and i never ever would have guess in a thousand years that i would have gone that fast, or been that far along, so there was no reason to call earlier. but praise God she made it then, as she captured some of the sweetest moments of our entire life- meeting our little one.

we spent time oohing and aahing over baby, talking about how quickly that went, and just cuddling with our babe. we realized about 10 minutes after the birth that we had no idea if we had a girl or boy! what?! trevor lifted up the blanket we had over her and stared for a little bit. “it’s a boy!!” oh wow, a brother for keaton! how exciting! and then cue some silence from the midwives…ummm…you might want to look a little more closely. trevor lifted up the blanket again. “what? i can’t really tell!” haha. it was dark, things are swollen, the cord was still attached…eventually he put it all together. a girl! a GIRL!! keaton knew from the moment we told him he was going to be a big brother that he was going to have a little sister. he just knew.

i tore a bit and had to be stitched up after my placenta finally decided to come on out…not my favorite thing in the world. honestly even after i just birthed a big baby, the stitching was…bleah. selah’s hand was up near her chin and i think that’s what did it, that and the fact that she just powered her way outta there! but there wasn’t that much to be mended and it was over quickly and it healed really easily, i was really not uncomfortable at all afterwards, and no swelling at all. score.

i got up to pee and was encouraged that all was well. haha.

our midwives and doula cleaned up, made me some food (almond butter on toast never tasted so good!!), and were just such an encouragement. as they began to pack up i realized something…i just had a baby. on our bed. and now i get to sleep in that bed. with that baby. with my husband. and be comfortable. it was a glorious thought. it was a glorious reality.

as everyone started to leave a couple hours after the birth, our sweet doula stayed to pray with us. we thanked God for His provision, for His goodness, for our sweet daughter. it was one of my favorite moments to thank God for His willingness to provide this desire of our hearts to not only have a home birth but have a healthy, happy little one.

we got to sleep in our beds with our little girl, working on breastfeeding again (so different since i was so used to nursing a toddler last time i did it!!). trevor and selah slept, but i was on a high. the oxytocin flowing in that room was unparalleled, and i was just riding along with it. i went in and out of sleeping a little bit that first night, but didn’t really get to sleep till the following night. birth high, i tell ya.

keaton came into our room the next morning as he always does and was met with his baby sister. what a moment! he climbed into bed with us and was amazed at all of baby’s little features. “baby has hands!! and eyes!! look at baby’s ears!! and nose!! wowwww!!”

trevor made us all breakfast, and we just hung out until we were ready to tell our family later in the day that we were ready for them. it was exactly what we wanted.

this story of selah’s quick entrance into our lives is one that we treasure greatly. it not only served to remind me of how inviting God purposefully into our experiences is such a sacred thing, but it reminded me of the sanctity of life and how precious the first moments of a new life truly are- to that baby, and to that entire family. it reminded me of why i do the work i do. it reminded me of why i have such a heart for women all over the world.

thanks for reading our selah girl’s story!

for more info in our super fabulous birth team:

doula: Jenna Anderson

 midwives: San Diego Midwife

photographer: Labor of Love Birth Photography

…the reveal…

hello, my friends!

my last update was around 38 weeks, and this update is comin’ atcha 11 days postpartum. yes, that is right…i went and had me a baby! my birth story will be coming soon, but suffice to say it was an incredible, intense, calm, beautiful entrance into the world for our baby. and in the comfort of our own home, to boot.

the details:

it’s a GIRL

selah. {“say-lah”}

9lbs even.

2 hours and 45 minutes of labor, born at 12:47am on our bed (too fast to fill the tub up).

a beautiful baby girl and a beaming older brother (who now, at 11 days postpartum, is realizing this new baby is actually staying. and he’s not 100% sure how he feels about it)

photography by Labor of Love Photography and Petula Pea.

lots of love from our family of four,

kelly ❤

38+ weeks

hey friends,

so i haven’t been updating much, and definitely haven’t been using this blog as much of a personal blog, in quite a while. but i wanted to fill y’all in on the goings on in the pappas household.

i’m currently 38 weeks and a few days. given that keaton was a 41w+5d babe, i keep telling myself to just assume 42 weeks. it was easy with keaton to just keep going and not think much about it, but this time around it feels different. literally. LOTS of practice/warming up happening, and lots of those lovely “zingers” as i call them. i know my body and baby are preparing…and for that, i am grateful.

we got some maternity shots done recently, too! this amazing and talented photographer (petula pea photography) was actually a doula client of mine. she is just the absolute sweetest woman you will ever meet, and is beyond talented. as you can tell by these sneak peaks:

are you swooning yet? dead from gorgeousness? not our own of course, but just the FEEL and the LOOK of these photos? we wandered into a totally random field with dead grass and weeds and such and ta-da! talk about her having a vision…! again, her link is Petula Pea Photography, and if you are in San Diego- she does amazing work. Check out her portfolio! her weddings are so insanely gorgeous, too!!

we are currently feeling really grateful we are waiting to find out if this sweet pea is a boy or a girl. i love the build up of not knowing, and i love that the moment of meeting this little goose will be that much more of an “oh my GOODNESS!” moment. if that’s even possible?!

i keep thinking about how keaton is going to be a big brother, and that we will be parents to two little peas. i really don’t have those feelings of “ohhh, i feel sad that it won’t just be keaton any more” or anything like that…i feel like we have given him our absolute all during this period of his life that it has been just him, but that we have also really striven already thus far to show him that life isn’t all about him no matter what. so add in a sibling, move him to a remote nation for missions work, or put him on a playground with other kids…we want him to show us, as he says, “my kind, sweet, gentle heart.” goodness do we pray he always keeps that kind, sweet, gentle heart (of course there are days where it seems like it has left his little body forever! only to return a bit later in the form of cuddles and kisses and genuine care).  our prayer is that this new little life only serves to strengthen keaton’s heart in his awareness of our love for him, his abilities to be kind and gentle and encouraging and selfless, and to point him towards God’s everlasting love. what more could we want?!

i have a little email address that i set up for keaton when he was maybe 4-5 months old and have been periodically writing emails and sending photos or videos. i am writing him an email in a bit about how these are the last days of “just us” … and i am cherishing the waiting game (still very very early in the waiting game!) as of now, as it keeps me in this beautiful precipice of known and unknown.

i already know that the unknown is the most beautiful thing we have ever experienced, so this … this is exactly where we are supposed to be.

❤

 

adventures in chiropractic care

so, i have always told my moms in class that chiropractic care is really helpful for aches and pains…and for staying aligned for birth. i’d share the information like in the picture below and we’d all go “ohhh wow!” and we would chat about it, i would throw out a couple referrals of local chiropractors who are trained in the webster technique, and we’d move on.

and then i got pregnant with the goose. and that all changed.

during my pregnancy with keaton i felt great the WHOLE time. literally, 41 weeks pregnant thinking: wow, i feel good! people would ask me how bad it was, and i am sure they hated me because my response was always “i love it! i love being pregnant!”

10 weeks into my pregnancy with this goose though…ohhh my hips! my lower back! ache ache ache! i was not used to that at all, and was not up for 10 months of uncomfortableness and clinging with all of my might to every body pillow and regular pillow we had laying around.

so, i took my own advice. called the chiropractor i always recommended. and then my life changed. well, maybe that’s a little dramatic. but not by much.

after one visit i was feeling better. after two visits my back discomfort was significantly decreased, barely noticeable. as i kept coming in, i could see how much more comfortable my hips were. any specific aches and pains i went in with basically disappeared after each session, and each session i had fewer aches and pains to speak of. my husband noticed a difference. i noticed a difference. my sleep noticed a big difference. and you know what? even keaton noticed a difference.

he actually is pretty certain now he wants to be a chiropractor when he grows up. “they tickle my back and play with my legs and make me feel good! i grow bigger!” he looks forward to every appointment and can’t wait to show dr’s ian and lindsay his new toy, or snack, or what underwear he decided to wear (because yeah, i have a big boy now!).

the relational aspect of my care may be rare, as i absolutely adore my chiropractor (and get to walk through pregnancy alongside her, as she is pregnant with her first and is just a week behind me!), but for a trained, skilled chiropractor: the physical results can be the same! chiropractic care saved my sanity and my body’s functionality this pregnancy and i can’t stop singing its praises. i have sent a TON of students and doula clients for chiropractic care (for them during pregnancy or even for their newborns or their postpartum bodies), with a sense of zeal that i didn’t have before when i would discuss it with mamas. and literally, if you were to walk into their office you most likely would see someone i know through something birth related, and my name has been up on their referral board for a while now 🙂 can’t stop me!

for moms interested in natural birth, this is a huge asset (not just for moms who desire a natural birth, but who in the world wouldn’t desire a more comfortable experience no matter what the desires for your specific birth are?!). for moms who are uncomfortable for one reason or another during pregnancy or postpartum, this is a huge asset. for new little babes who have just traveled a pretty awesome yet crazy journey, this is a huge asset.

potential benefits for you pregnant mamas:

“According to recent studies, Chiropractic care may result in easier pregnancy including increased comfort during the third trimester and delivery, and reduced need for pain medications.  Other benefits of chiropractic care during pregnancy include…

• A more comfortable pregnancy and delivery.
• A 50% reduced need for analgesics (pain medication).
• A 24% – 39% faster than average labor time.
• 84% of women report relief of back pain during pregnancy.
• Significantly less likelihood of back labor (contractions and sharp pain felt in the lower back during labor).
• Significantly reduced utilization of epidurals, forceps, vacuum extraction, episiotomies, and Cesarean sections.
• Reduced likelihood of postpartum depression.

For more information on these research findings, please visit the official website of the International Chiropractic Pediatrics Association.” {via HealthHappyWell.Com}

BAM! who wouldn’t want that?!

for more information on my lovely and skilled chiropractor, her name is Dr Lindsay Hoffman at Chiropractic Health and Happiness in Encinitas. i also highly recommend Dr. Melissa Tosczak at Touch of Health Chiropractic in Vista.
Along with the fabulous folks at Indigo Dragon Center.

how a doula picked her doula

flash back a few years ago. i was told my someone i put trust in in terms of my pregnancy care to NOT hire a doula, that i wouldn’t need one. i would know what i needed instinctually. i listened. and i was sorry i did in the end. not because keaton’s birth wasn’t wonderful and beautiful, but because i missed out on one of the most amazing relationships a couple can have with another person. trevor missed out on having someone comfort him and tell him all was normal, that it was part of the process…and simply to be able to close his eyes and not feel “on” the entire time (yes, the “entire time” was not that long, but it was overnight…). it was one of a handful of things that i thought to myself after keaton’s birth, “next time…” and a few times “i should have known better!!”

flash forward to the present. here we are at that “next time” and before i even got pregnant i actually already really KNEW who i wanted to be present at my birth. she actually knew i was pregnant before trevor did! true, i really couldn’t go wrong with almost any of the wonderful women i know who have dedicated their lives to similar passions as mine (and we have such an amazing doula community here in san diego. honestly. so blessed), but, in my heart, i knew who i wanted by our sides. i knew who i would feel most comfortable with. i knew who trevor would find solace in. i just…knew. my friends had wonderful experiences with her, my students had wonderful experiences with her. i always had lovely conversations with her, our friendship was growing, and i knew that her heart was to glorify God in her work…bingo. jackpot. answered prayer.

but, with that being said, i also know many other moms who don’t have the luxury of knowing so intimately so many doulas and are like “HOW do i find one i mesh with?!”  Here is what I often tell moms:

Ask around. If in a childbirth prep class, ask for referrals. Ask your friends about their experiences. Ask your care provider for referrals. Talk about it with girlfriends. Talk about it at independent baby stores. Post a question on Facebook. Google it. Whatever you need to do. Just involve yourself in conversation, you’ll be surprised at the patterns that show up! i have given referrals to so many mamas and they were really encouraged by how many “overlaps” they had either in their own research or in suggestions from friends, etc.

Interview, I say, at least 3 doulas. Unless you hear choirs of angels in the background and see fireworks when interviewing with #1 or #2, just keep chugging. It can be overwhelming to interview too many women- time consuming and thought consuming! But you do want to feel confident in your decision, as this is a pretty important event in your life- and this person WILL be seeing you in a state of vulnerability and simultaneous power all at one time. and oh yeah, she’ll probably see you naked. but don’t worry, even my most modest of moms at the end usually could care less and are asking their clothes be taken away from them!

{Before you meet, make sure you have asked them about fees, etc so that you are both aware of what that expectation is. If finances are an issue, don’t be nervous to broach the subject. I see doulas as being an incredible value and investment and well worth the fee, but you also don’t want to get in over your head financially. Ask about payment plans, deposits, etc. I know money can be uncomfortable to talk about, but it’s part of the process for these invaluable services.}

Ask them questions. Birth questions. What is your philosophy on birth? How do you involve partner in the birth? When do you normally join us/What are the logistics of that? Besides the actual birth, what else is involved in your services? If you are taking/drawn towards a specific type of labor prep method or course, ask them about their experiences with it. Do you work with a backup? Logistics.

Ask them questions. Real questions. How did you get into this line of work? What do you love most about what you do? Get to know them personally. If spirituality is important to you and something you are desiring for closeness from a doula, that is something certainly to discuss now more deeply, but a great thing to discuss before you even meet in person if that will be a game changer for you.

After chatting for a while and saying your goodbyes, assess how the two of you feel (if you are both at the interview together). Do you feel comfortable around her? Did she seem warm, knowledgeable, encouraging of your specific desire for labor? Do you feel like she will SUPPORT you and your partner in your birth, no matter what your birth looks like or what decisions are made? Is this someone you want to share your journey with? Are you excited about your birth journey now after speaking with her?

I know not EVERYTHING is about feel, but sometimes…it really is all about feel.

I know personally I have been on interviews with moms with whom I can tell almost immediately that they won’t be hiring me. They look at me and, while we get along fabulously, they see a friend. A sister. And their desire was a motherly figure. And others desire more of a friend/sister and I fit that bill really well! Think about your own relationships with people in your lives, think about what will speak to your heart most during a vulnerable time.

Certification status, number of births, etc wasn’t on my own radar for a birth doula- although I will say the doula I selected is certified and has a lovely number of births under her belt…that was not the most important piece of the puzzle to me. That may be for you though, and that’s something to ask her about if you desire to. If she is certified: with whom? What does that really mean? If she isn’t: Why not? Not being certified or not having a hefty number of births under your belt is not a red flag in terms of a person’s ability and fit to be your doula, but if it is something that might bother you- then you need to be aware of it.

I personally went through many questions in a similar way with my husband. A huge part of what we wanted from our own doula was someone who will be able to pray with us and over us throughout my pregnancy and throughout the labor/birth. That would be a game changer for us personally in a doula- we knew it wasn’t a game changer in our care providers, but knew the doula connection was on a different level for us. I also wanted someone who could help me not focus so much on what i KNOW in my head about birth, but about what i can experience in my heart. Being a birth professional who is about to give birth can have its perks, but it can also have its drawbacks…there is a LOT of head knowledge that is apparent now, but might not be so clear during the actual labor. It is easy to get caught in one’s head and forget about that tiiiiiny thing called surrendering. Letting go of all that “stuff” and letting God be in control is a huge vision for this birth…and our doula is someone who can help us on that road.  With that being said, just like how a lot of my clients or students aren’t Christian, a lot of my doulas’ clients aren’t Christian either. Just a friendly clarification 🙂

Anyway, if you would like more info on the doula that Trevor and I prayerfully selected…check out Jenna Anderson, CD (DONA)…here…and here.

And, if you are in the area, feel free to let me know if you’d like more recommendations and referrals. I love to give them out to inquiring mamas!

carly’s birth story

it’s been a while since i rocked a birth story on the blog, and i thought now was a lovely time to grace y’all’s hearts with a sweet story of how a little lady was welcomed into the world in a calm, confident, and really beautiful way. carly and her husband joe took my classes in the spring, finishing the class ON carly’s guess date, and their little lady annikah decided it was time to say hello to the world the following morning! enjoy!

———————————————————————

kelly!! i was already planning to write to you today to thank you for an incredible class and a really beautiful bonding time between my husband and i over the last 5 weeks. we especially loved the labor run through last night…and i say “especially” because…well…we actually put that into use later last night night into the early morning hours today, welcoming our daughter annikah naturally into the world this morning at 9:07am!

as a quick overview, once we got home from class we were in such a good mood. joe kept telling my baby “come out soon, i don’t want to forget what to do!”

i took a shower and got settled in to watch my tivo’d “conan” and i started feeling some light surging. i assumed it was just some warm ups and went about my giggling and ice cream eating. the “warm ups” were coming every 5 minutes or so once i realized they were still happening, but they were super mild in sensation so, again, on with the giggling and tivo watching. about an hour later when we were on our second episode, conan was doing a skit about basketball player wives (it was so stupid but so funny. in case you can’t guess, i have a celebrity crush on him!) and i was cracking up. and then i felt all warm and watery. “oh great, carly, you peed yourself” i thought. i stood up, joe and i now cracking up that i had peed myself, and a larger gush came out from underneath my nightgown. we both kind of stopped laughing, looked at one another, and joe said “oh, it’s on!” we both knew it was my water that had broken, and my surges IMMEDIATELY felt more intense and were making my back feel achey. good thing we we went through that counter pressure just a couple hours before, because joe was on counter pressure duty for the night/into the morning on my lower back. it made it all so much more manageable!

with every surge my back ached. it wasn’t like a terrible pain, it was just as if i didn’t feel anything happening in my uterus, only tightness and pressure in my low back that went away when i wasn’t in a surge. honestly, the first about 6 hours of my 9 hour labor were really not that bad. every 3-4 minutes i’d have some back achey annoyingness that i really had to focus to get through, and then we had time in between to sway, cuddle, choose a new position, go to the bathroom, etc. it really was such a blessing to have just had that run through in class, it was all so fresh and i felt so confident.

this went on for hours, and eventually i hit a point where i looked at joe, who was being so awesome trying to be so present and calm and loving, and said “get me to the hospital now. i literally feel like my face is on fire, i keep pooping. honestly. this seriously sucks. and i feel like such a mess.” joe was a little surprised since i had been relatively quiet so far in my labor, and those low noises we talked about/practiced in class started coming out. apparently joe texted his brother at this point “it REALLY is on now.” we both knew i was transitioning and i was just really uncomfortable. i wanted something new. i wanted this baby out. again, it wasn’t like it was an out of control pain or anything, just so ridiculously exhausting to focus for that long. you know what i mean?

we got to the hospital and i was 8cm. victory! check in was really easy, much easier than i thought, and the nurse who we got assigned was really hands off and very sweet. she got us a few wet wash cloths for my forehead and neck. sweet woman. i labored for 2 more hours before i really felt any kind of actual urge to push, even though i was 10cm after the first hour there. my doctor and nurses told me that they’d wait a while before “coaching” me to push in case i never felt the urge. that urge finally came though. and it was exactly like you described. i couldn’t resist it, so i just gave into it. i breathed and made crazy manly noises like i never had before, and bore down with everything i had, exactly what my body was telling me to do. the nurses said they were surprised that she was moving down as well as she was given the fact that i was still technically breathing while pushing. thinking back on it i thought that was really cool.

i hate to be “that girl” but the actual giving birth part felt kind of good. not like i want to do it all the time kind of good, but such a welcome relief from my back aches and intensity and just not knowing what my cervix was doing. i felt more in control. and i felt my baby’s head. i was on my side when pushing and it seemed like a pretty good position for me. i imagined being squatting or something, but after being up all night i really just wanted to lay down.

crowning was…not as good of a feeling. but it didn’t last for long. she was positioned normally for birth (i thought maybe she was sunny side up from all the back discomfort?), and once her head really popped out, her shoulders and body just sort of slid out. i tore a bit but nothing major.  my placenta took a while to detach and they gave me a shot of pitocin after birth to help with all that, which i wasn’t a huge fan of but i wasn’t super opposed to either, especially in that moment when i kind of didn’t care about anything else but being with annikah and joe.

i got to be with my baby for about 2 hours before i realized they hadn’t weighed her or anything yet. i loved the feeling of her squirming around on my chest, her lusty cries, and her little wide open eyes that were staring intently into mine as if to say “oh, there you are! that’s what you look like!” i was on a high for quite some time. so was joe. i actually think i still am. i meant to write you like 5 sentences and look where we are. talk about a man who was proud of his wife, joe has been loving on me so hard today, and if you aren’t friends with him on facebook you should be, his status updates about the labor are hilarious. i’m so proud of him, too. he handled everything so well and with such patience and (even if it was a front) confidence.

thank you a million times over for the class. without it i seriously doubt we would have welcome annikah into our lives in the way we did. it was life changing. i can see why you do what you do. it really does change you, and i can feel that already. i love her. i love joe. we love you!

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carly and joe!! congratulations on the birth of your sweet little annikah! i’m so thankful that our time together was fruitful and that you took a lot of great tools with you into the birth. i CAN’T BELIEVE you went into labor right after class, what perfect timing! i so appreciate you sharing your story with me and with all of us. it was beautiful to read, and i swear i could sense the oxytocin just oozing out of your writing!! lots of love! talk soon!

if you are interested in learning more about preparing for an awesome birthing experience, please contact me on my business site: Beautiful One Birth Services!

thoughts on classes, career, and carrots

i alluded in my last post that i am making some shifts to the classes i am teaching currently. i think what i actually meant to say is that the classes are staying exactly as i have been teaching them for months and months now (with always the added info, tidbit, research, tool, etc that i am picking up along the way), just a new name since, well, i needed to be honest.

the HypnoBirthing Institute has pretty set guidelines on how they want their instructors to teach. their syllabus is relatively firm. they want acknowledgement that you are following consistently those guidelines, teaching their principles, etc. i love the emphases on relaxation and how just the simple knowledge of what is happening in your body is pretty perspective-altering…and labor-altering in HypnoBirthing. but, there’s a lot about HypnoBirthing i just decided i wouldn’t teach because i don’t believe it, or i wasn’t seeing it being helpful with my doula clients (and, in some cases, have seen tenants of HypnoBirthing being counterproductive to some moms in labor depending on how it was taught or how it was read/interpreted). i refused to only show their videos because it was just moms laying still in hospital beds, quietly breathing and pop! out comes baby!  (i remember in the midst of my own birth wondering why i couldn’t stay still, and why i couldn’t be totally quiet towards the end…was i not doing it right?!, i questioned my husband). i also started adding a lot because there was a lot missing from what i personally wanted to convey to expectant parents, so other things got cut.  i wasn’t covering certain things the way the book was because it was unrealistic/confusing (so i don’t need to do any work at all, the baby just moves down while i breathe ever so slightly? perfect!), or perhaps just not supported by research (anymore?! i don’t know if it was when the book was actually published though). i found myself saying “well yeah, the book says this, but…” so, suffice to say, i kept a lot of the groundwork, but began to build a different house. a useful house, a well rounded house, but a different house. i have a lot of respect for the HypnoBirthing method itself, i am just saying that for me personally…i realized slowly but surely how different my house was beginning to look from my original syllabus and how many outside resources i was pulling from, and soon began to realize that i was promoting a method class by name, but a personally-built-with-love class in product.

that started to really not sit right with me, and when an email came from the Institute saying that we needed to sign something saying that we were teaching in line with the syllabus, principles, etc fully…i just knew i couldn’t sign it. not because i don’t like HypnoBirthing, but because, again, the class that i love teaching is not straight HypnoBirthing, it’s a mashup of a ton of different things from HypnoBirthing, Bradley, ICEA education, to doula tips, to postpartum health, etc. I am not cool with not being straightforward and honest, and i felt like i wasn’t being honest. which, again…doesn’t sit right with me.

so, i haven’t done an overhaul on my classes really, just the name. the class you took a year-ish ago from me is the same class (again, with new additions being added all the time as i learn new things) you would take from me now. but, it’s just a different name. and a lot more hands-on, positioning, swaying, moving, noise making than when i first started out 🙂 i love the classes i teach and i recognize that i may get a few less people signing up for classes because they don’t have a “brand” name to them, but that was a happy price to pay for being true to what i am up to.

i see myself continuing to teach these classes for a long time. i love walking the journey with parents and am always SO proud to hear how their births went- whether it was so straightforward and everything fell into place perfectly and mom just rocked it as if it was easy…or whether it is a 40 hour birth where certain interventions, etc are being introduced and parents have to carefully work together to make decisions that they feel are best for them and their situation. it’s an honor to help moms realize that they have it within themselves already, and whether or not a certain number-counted breath works for them or not, they can absolutely listen to their bodies and provide it what it needs. it is also an honor to help guide them on the decision making journey through the discussions we have in class. i can’t wait to see, as i work through my ICEA certification, what else i add to this class of mine…what other tidbit of information will be there to help couples achieve their goal of having a transformative labor experience. i also can’t wait to see what happens in the span of my career…as so much has been added and shifted already…i can only imagine what this will all look like in 10 years. more amazing than i can imagine, i know that much. God is good.

so that’s that. my classes in a nutshell since i had a few questions and i always like to make things as clear as possible. nothing crazy honestly, just a change in the name…and in the book i provide to my couples, too. and more relaxation tracks, lots of new handouts, and some awesomely wonderful labor prep run through. but hey, the HypnoBirthing book will still be in my lending library if anyone is interested 😉 and, again, with all this being said- i still totally recommend the HypnoBirthing classes specifically that are out there (we have great women out there teaching here in san diego!), but i encourage you to get to know the way your specific instructor will tackle the courses, etc (because it looks varied a lot of the time!!) in terms of what your views are as well as what you aim to get out of your childbirth prep class itself.

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also, as a completely different side note…how good are carrots?! i can’t get enough of them these days. i normally have a wicked sweet tooth, but when i’m pregnant my body craves things like hummus, carrots, celery…and, of course, late july chips. yummmm.

lots of love!